Book excerpts

"At the end of my days, I hope to look back and celebrate a legacy of genuine friends, of faithful companions, and of trusted partners in good times and bad.  They were - and remain - my real and incalculable wealth.

Collectively, my friends have made my life meaningful and they have revealed to me the beauty of the human soul.

I know now that it is not the pursuit of a single relationship that has made my life worth living, but rather, the sum of them all."

Robert E. Hall

What makes FRIENDS FIRST different?

At the core, and most important to this approach, is your Personal Operating System: the unique list of values, beliefs, experiences, fears, desires, needs, conditioning, and expectations that govern your behaviors. These factors – different in their combination and level of importance for each of us – define your character, shape your persona, drive your ambitions, and manage your ability to establish and build on rapport. Your P. O. S., subsequently, determines: who you think you are; what you would like others to think of you; the social, physical and spiritual lines you might occasionally straddle; and, those lines that you will never cross. Further, it frames how you perceive, measure, and, subsequently, engage your immediate social environment.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"
                                                -Albert Einstein
                                                                                                            

The first objective in FRIENDS FIRST is to identify the 'authentic' you.  “Who are you?   What do you want? What do you need? What do you fear?” 

Second. FRIENDS FIRST establishes simple and clear definitions of: Friendship - the foundation of all healthy social bonding, Companionship, and Partnership.  A better understanding of the respective conditions of 'relationship' helps you to manage your actions and your expectations, and, allows you to effectively adjust from one condition to another, and back, if necessary.

"Will love last longer if you are FRIENDS FIRST?"

"Definitely," says New York social psychologist Dr. Grace Cornish-Livingstone. "As friends first, you like each other first. You develop a respect for each other. You're looking out for each other's best interests. I urge people--marry your best friend."

Dr. Cornish-Livingstone, author of best-selling relationship books like: 'YOU DESERVE HEALTHY LOVE , SIS!' says that "...love, kindness, and respect equal friendship."

"You're always kind to your friend. You're looking out for his or her best interest. In a friendship you're equally grounded. You're not looking for any kind of ownership. There's no respect if you become possessive and controlling."

"Friendship is especially important for love to last longer when it comes to marriage", says Dr. Cornish-Livingstone. "Marriage takes place long before the wedding. The wedding is the celebration, but the marriage and initial bonding should have started long before. If you have a genuine friendship, you're not going to pretend to be someone you're not so that a person can marry you. Some people are on their best behavior until they cross the threshold. Then, they let their guards down. But your true nature will surface when you're a person's friend first. When you're true friends from the beginning, you don't have to pretend."

-Jet Magazine November 1999, Johnson Publishing